I'm *exactly* like Anthony Bourdain. Except with Red Baron pizza instead of sheep testicles.

Me, on Twitter over the past month or so:

• Joe T's is like the TARDIS of restaurants. #biggerontheinside
• Also, If Jack in the Box starts sounding like a good idea, you've had enough.
• Have just invented Naan Pockets. You're welcome, people who want to eat Indian food on the go. #NaanPockets
• That is full of win! And also wine, probably.
• "Pour some peas on my plate...in the name of lunch!"
• My 21st: "All the beers, please." "Yes, sir." "And my free dessert." "I'll need to see some ID for that." picardfacepalm.jpg
• Went to Mellow Mushroom and had Philosopher's Pie. Or, as it's called in America, Sorcerer's Pie.
• Gave myself hipster mouth eating pizza for lunch today. #beforeitwascool

Klout, this morning: I believe you are influential about food.

Your move, Food Network.