About a month ago, I went to the post office to mail a Christmas present to my mom. I watched the woman behind the counter weigh the package herself on the magical post office scale that’s somehow better than the liar scale you have at home. Then she charged me ten bucks, which at first I thought was kind of high, but then I figured that it probably costs a lot to run the time machine, especially if they didn’t have any other packages that were going to last Christmas, so I just paid it and didn’t say anything.
When I got home, I went to their website to track the package, but it didn’t say “delivered like a month ago,” it just said “accepted.” That should have been my first clue that something was wrong. Other than the fact that I was at the post office at all. I just assumed it made it there because then I didn’t have to do stuff, like go back to their site again or actually call and ask my mom if she’d gotten it.
This is what I got in the mail yesterday:
You can see right in the middle where it says 12.40. It also says “POSTAGE DUE,” because apparently $12.40 a) is more than $10, and b) is what they would have charged to actually deliver it instead of just keeping it for a month. It’s like the worst ransom ever. They didn’t even cut out magazine letters or give me a creepy digitized phone call. It’s like they don’t even care. UPS can lose and break my shit much faster than that. And much cheaper. Also, apparently they don’t even have a time machine. And that’s why nobody uses the post office anymore.
UPDATE:
So I brought it back to the post office the other day, and I was all "what the hell happened?" Postmaster Keith said that the $12.40 was actually return postage, because apparently after they beat the shit out of it, they charge you to bring it back to you. I told Keith that I wasn't going to pay a total of $22.40 for them to bring me something that I started with in the first place. And I didn't, but I did have to pay for them to try to ship it again. It got there in 2 days. Intact. Apparently "priority mail" means something.
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| It's only smiling on the outside. |
UPDATE:
So I brought it back to the post office the other day, and I was all "what the hell happened?" Postmaster Keith said that the $12.40 was actually return postage, because apparently after they beat the shit out of it, they charge you to bring it back to you. I told Keith that I wasn't going to pay a total of $22.40 for them to bring me something that I started with in the first place. And I didn't, but I did have to pay for them to try to ship it again. It got there in 2 days. Intact. Apparently "priority mail" means something.
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