Friday, July 22, 2011

This kind of bullying will not be tolerated.

Tropical Storm Bret is kind of an asshole. Apparently, so are 2 other people.
I'm betting that they're sycophantic henchmen, like 
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Or Crabbe and Goyle.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I tried to get an owl to deliver this, but they *so* don't get the Internet.

Dear All of Texas, But Mostly Tarrant County:

If you have a car, you can be a wizard! There's a magic wand attached to the left side of your steering wheel. If you wave it, you can create a magical light show! If you wave it downward, flashing lights will appear on the left side of your car. The incantation for this spell is I'm going to turn left. If you wave it upward, they'll appear on the right side of your car (that spell is I'm going to turn right). You don't have to say the spells out loud when you wave the wand, but you can if you need to. Here's a picture of the spellbook I found them in:

It's totally the same as Hogwarts.

It doesn't matter what kind of vehicle you have, they all have this magic. Even the ones made in Texas.

P.S. If you don't believe in magic because it's evil, it's totally not a magic wand; it's a Satan repeller. But you still have to use it because it's the rules and you go to hell if you don't.

This is from Leviticus, probably.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

P.S. This is real.

So, this is happening. Again. It's like the Halley's Comet of social media hoaxes lucky breaks for everyone on the Internet:
"Its official. Signal at 12:20 it even passed on tv. Facebook will start charging this summer. If you copy this on your wall your icon will turn blue and Facebook will be free for you. Please pass this message if not your count will be deleted. P.s. this is real, the icon turns blue. Please put this as your status."
Also, in case you missed the last one, the Apocalypse is scheduled to happen again on October 21st. If you post this as your Facebook status, you will be teleported to heaven, and Bill Gates will send you a check for $144,000. This is totally real. I promise.

It's brilliant how Facebook saves all that money by not having a marketing team or any sort of communications department. It's a testament to the power of social media that they can put their message in the hands of just one orthographically-challenged tween and watch it spread, like the T-virus, until everyone has been exposed to it. Also, props to them for announcing the new charges mere days after the launch of Google+, which may be their first serious competitor. Well played, Facebook.

If I ever start a company, I'm totally copying Facebook's business plan:
1. Totally steal somebody else's idea, probably.
2. Get 600 million customers.
3. Send all important announcements as typo-laden chain messages. IMPORTANT: Remember to say "this is real" so people know it's not fake.
4. Make everybody pay, except if they post a message for you once, ever. Then it's free.

Until it suddenly isn't.