Paper bibs are *so* in right now.

I went to the dentist yesterday because…actually, I’m not sure. I guess because I’m kind of a masochist.

So I sit down in the chair and they put that little bib on me and all I can think about is how not cool I look in that moment. But then, they offered me sunglasses! Fuck yeah! Now I look awesome!

Actually, I just look like that asshole who wears sunglasses inside. At the dentist.

Like all dentists seem to, they hate that I have my lip pierced, and seem bent on making up horror stories to terrify me into getting rid of it, even though they said it hadn’t damaged my gums…yet. But it will. DUN DUN DUN! Then they told me all about gum grafting, and how they cut out your palate and stitch it to your teeth, which apparently feels like eating barb wire that is on fire while snorting a mixture of Tabasco sauce and sulfuric acid. Apparently this happens to everyone who gets their lip pierced, ever, and even after you get grafts, your teeth will still fall out when you’re like 30. And then your face will freeze that way. Because the calls are coming from your house.