Friday, April 27, 2012

And then I high-fived The Bloggess.

First of all, if you don't know who The Bloggess is, none of this will make any sense to you, so you should probably go over there and check her out before you read any further. Actually, first of all, if you don't know who The Bloggess is, how the hell have you even heard of me? Go and check her out. Faster! Done? Good. OK, second of all—actually, you know what? I just made my original "first of all" irrelevant since now you already know who she is, so everything I say will totally make sense to you, by which I mostly mean you have the background to understand things that happened yesterday and references that were made. I can't really make any guarantees regarding your reading comprehension. Or my ability to express anything coherently, especially given the fact that I don't even know what this paragraph is about anymore. Let's just start over.

So, yesterday I went to the Let's Pretend This Never Happened World Tour Of Mostly Texas So Far, even though they say you're not supposed to meet your heroes. Or your heroines. Or do heroin. Apparently it can "ruin the mystery" or something. Meeting your heroes/heroines does, not doing heroin. Maybe doing heroin does, too. I don't know. I've never done heroin. After this paragraph, you probably don't believe that.

Don't do heroin. It ruins the mystery.
Anyway, those people are full of shit, and possibly heroin, so you really shouldn't listen to them. Meet your heroes. And if one of those heroes happens to be Nathan Fillion, bring some twine and a friend with a camera so you can throw the twine at Nater Tater in a "think fast!" sort of way and your friend can take a picture of him just as he catches it. Send it to It was her idea, anyway. If you had been there yesterday, you would have known that already. If you want to recreate the experience, you can try listening to the audiobook while looking at a picture of her. Then imagine she's also adding extra commentary that makes it even funnier. See? It's like you were totally there!

Of course, I forgot my twine at home because I'm terrible at planning ahead, so then I had to ask around at work, but nobody had any because who the fuck brings twine to the library? So then I just had to make this sign out of a Star Wars fruit snacks box like I was some kind of twine beggar.

I tried taking some pictures while she was reading, but the camera on my phone is lazy or needs glasses or something, so they could all just as well have been of Bigfoot or Nessie or maybe a unicorn. Apparently the strain of all the mythological creatures was so great that my phone died of exhaustion.

I swear, she's totally in this picture. Probably.
AND THEN I HIGH-FIVED THE BLOGGESS! But I don't have any pictures of it because it's almost impossible to take a picture of yourself spontaneously high-fiving someone as they're walking by. Also, my phone was still dead from exhaustion, so really I would have been randomly waving it around with one hand while high-fiving a moving target with the other. Awkward. Even for me, who saw David Sedaris in Austin and told him this story about...I don't even fucking know, but it was like 5 minutes long and didn't even make any sense because it was like 2 in the morning and I'd been standing in line for like 7 hours. He actually signed my book "OK, then."

I only had to stand in line for like 2 hours this time, which didn't make me completely incoherent, but did give me time to read a chapter of Mockingjay and also to try to figure out what the fuck these events were even about.

Also, we didn't so much follow the rules of Story Time. It was still fun for everyone.
And then I actually met her (as well as Juanita and Copernicus). The whole thing was seriously awesome. Also, it's been noted that I'm almost Nathan Fillion.

And then we got photobombed by a weasel.

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