I don't think people are ready for the rifle I'm delivering...

Normally, I wouldn't get around to anything making fun of Charlie Sheen for several more months—until the trend was well past—but I had some kind of laughing seizure when I saw this, so I had to force it on you share. And anyway, if you're seeing it here, it can't be far from the meme graveyard ("I don't want to go on the cart!")

"I am on a drug. It's called Jake. If you try it once, you will spontaneously combust. Your pancreas will melt off, and your cousins will levitate over your disemboweled body ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not hammerized—a total freaking librarian from Pluto. Yes, Pluto. It's a planet. Fuck you. I've got ferret blood, who was the Greek god of wanking? Him DNA! ... They picked a fight with a flying monkey. They're trying to take all my hernias and leave me with no means to vomit my family. It's not meteorology! They owe me an apology while humping my ankle ... I don't think people are ready for the rifle I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of Republican love. I exposed litter boxes to magic! Here's your bile test! Next one goes in your nostril!"

I'm going to start using "with a sense of Republican love." Actually, I don't know what the hell that even means, but apparently it involves rifles, which sounds about right. Anyway, real content tomorrow. Maybe.