Saturday, September 17, 2011

Blas for everybody in the room.

So, the other day, I was at home, cleaning and packing up the living room. I threw on Eddie Izzard's Dress to Kill for some background noise. Also because it's awesome and hilarious and reminds me of how I said like three years ago that I was going to write some material and actually do stand-up, even once, ever. Also, we're moving. Surprise!

There's a bit right in the middle where Eddie is going on about Christmas and Easter. This is where I was when, for maybe the fifth time in the two years we've lived there, there was a knock at the door. Without pausing or muting the TV, I got up to see who it was. For once, it wasn't a locked out neighbor. Or a different locked out neighbor. It was an arbitrary middle-aged Korean couple.

I'm pretty sure the conversation went exactly like this:
Me: Can I help you?
Them: Hello! We're from the Church of Something I Wasn't Listening To, and we've come to bring you a special message about God.
Eddie: Forget peace on earth, I don't care.
Me: Um, ok.
Them: Something about God. Or Jesus, maybe. Either way, it's very special. And it's in the Bible. Can we come in and tell you more about it?
Me: This may not be the best time.
Them: Oh, are you busy?
Eddie: ...squadron of Spitfires, for fuck's sake!
Me: Yes, my living room is full of boxes. And blasphemy.
Actually, some of that may be completely made up slightly paraphrased. You didn't come here for hard news, anyway. I did feel sort of bad because they were so cheerful and not creepy. Except, y'know, for the trying to talk your way into total strangers' houses bit. There's probably a line of creepiness just on the other side of that.

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